The art of negotiation comes in handy in a wide range of situations: dealing with superiors, subordinates, colleagues, business partners, candidates for jobs in your team, relatives and children. Plus of course, in critical and dangerous situations such as kidnapping, hostage-taking or other criminal and violent activity. All these forms of negotiation have many things in common and follow the same principles. This was the topic of a talk by Dominick J. Misino, an American negotiator with the New York Police Department.
These tips were published in the form of an interview by the Harvard Business Review.
The most important thing is listening
Misino states that a negotiator must first and foremost be an excellent listener. They must ask open questions and let the other person speak. From what they say and how they say it, you can tell what is bothering them, what they are trying to achieve and how their demands can be met. At the same time, many people suffer from the frustration of not being listened to. So if you listen to them with interest for a while, that alone will put you in a much better negotiating position.
Build mutual rapport and remove the idea your interaction is a confrontation or duel
Do not try to approach the conversation as a confrontation. Try to see the other person as a partner who has different ideas and experiences, but together with whom you are trying to reach a reasonable solution. Do not be confrontational, let the other person know you understand, and try to create the impression you are actually in the same boat.
Try to do something for them or help them in some way.
To gain the other party's trust, you need to show that you can do something for them. A good initial gesture at the beginning of a negotiation is to make a concession. It does not have to be a major one for it to have a huge psychological effect. Try to help the other party in some way and do something that is significant to them, but which at the same time does not significantly compromise your negotiating position.
Do not take anything personally and put emotions aside
Negotiations, whether police or business, are not personal. It is a logical game that can involve seemingly escalated situations, but which at its core is never anything personal. Try to take a step back from the situation and put your emotions aside.
Do not say "no"
A good rule of thumb is to never say "no." Not even if the other party has unreasonable or exaggerated demands. This does not mean you should always comply with everything but, instead of a negative response, always try to rephrase a request, suggest a compromise solution or offer a completely new angle.
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